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Jakarn is a renowned Breton flatterer, professional storyteller, terrible thief, and a smooth talker. He often appears more interested in flirting with people than with doing anything productive... unless it is thieving, of course.

Availability: Crown Store Sale

Cost: 2,500 Crowns

Obtained: Crown Store

Lines Spoken by This Houseguest:

• "Ah, I really missed talking to you. I can just be myself around you, you know? Most people think I'm a reckless, self-obsessed, shiftless lowlife. But not you, right? Right?"
  
  
• "Been testing some lines for ending relationships. Think I've got a winner here. 'It's not you ... it's me.' Great, right? I feel like it hits that sweet spot between consolation and acceptance of responsibility. Can't wait to try it out!"
  
  
• "The best thing about being a professional raconteur? The freedom! Followed closely by the ability to call yourself a professional raconteur. Introductions like that reall make an impression!"
  
  
• "Did you know I stole a ruby right out of a troll's eye socket? Found him sleeping in his lair. I plucked it out so carefully, I never made a sound. Anyway, turns out he wasn't sleeping. He was dead. Yeah, not as impressive as it could have been."
  
  
• "Don't mine me. I'm sort of in between jobs at the moment. On an unrelated note, have you heard about any gold caravans rolling through the area? Or jeweler's exhibits? Maybe a rare coin show? That sort of thing? No? Fair enough."
  
  
• "Ever had one of those days where you run into an old flame and you can't remember which of your forty-odd false identities he knows you by? No? Just me? Fair enough."
  
  
• "Ever think about the future? I've been toying with the idea of retirement. I mean, granted, with a body like this, I've got another ten years of snatching jewels and jumping out windows, easy. Even so, the scoundrel's life is murder on my knees!"
  
  
• "Feels nice to take a load off, eh? After the things we've been through, we deserve a little relaxation. But not too much! We have to stay sharp. Lazy folks make perfect marks, and if someone stole from me? Well, I've got a reputation to protect!"
  
  
• "Great seeing you! Say, thanks again for helping me settle that business with Tu'heiba back in Elsweyr. Can you believe we're like best friends now? All right, not best friends, but steady allies. Well, more like frequent business acquaintances."
  
  
• "Hey, good-looking! Great to see you again! How about these accomodations, eh? Really beats some of the places we've been. Of course, there's something to be said for slimy caves and musty dungeons. They've got character!"
  
  
• "Hey there, good-looking! I love the ambiance in here, but I really could use a drink. Something sweet and fruity. Some sweet wine or honey juice maybe. What? While I was in Elsweyr, the cats really turned me around on my choice of tasty beverage."
  
  
• "Hey, good-looking! Nice place, eh? I will say, it could use some improvements in the security department. Not that I'm planning anything!"
  
  
• "I know I shouldn't fool around with Daedric mischief, but that Skeleton Key of Nocturnal's? Mara's Mercy, what I could do with that thing! I'm a fair hand with a lockpick, but there's a lot to be said for the simple joys of convenience, you know?"
  
  
• "I may have missed my calling. Thieving is a barrel of laughs, but I think I'd make a great chef. I have excellent taste, nimble fingers, and I'm really good at convincing people to try new things! Even things that are clearly bad for them."
  
  
• "I've really got to stop gambling so much. Just need to challenge myself, you know? Set some stakes. I'll bet you fifty gold that I can go a whole month without gambling! Solid odds in your favor. What do you say? "
  
  
• "I'll never undersdtand how people can commit to a life of steady, honest work. I think I'd make it about three days as a baker. Maybe more as a furrier. Attracts a lot of wealthy people, you know? It would be easy to -- Ha! See, there I go again!"
  
  
• "It's really great to have somewhere to kick back and relax. I used to have a place in Alinor. It was my own little slave in paradise. Unfortunatley, I have very poor impulse control. And High Elves have very long memories."
  
  
• "Jaw's killing me. Just had a heart-to-heart with a Nord. You know, the kind with fists and broken mead bottles. The whole thing makes me so mad. How was I supposed to know that man was his husband? Some people have real problems, you know?"
  
  
• "Just got out of jail. Again. Normally, I escape right away, but there was a gorgeous Wood Elf three cells down. We were really hitting it off! Turns out, she likes to set things on fire. Including her previous three lovers. So, that one's on me."
  
  
• "Know any good jokes? I just learned one about an Orc and a stork, and whoo! Let me tell you, the forge wife of the Morkul clan did not care for it one bit. Actually, you know what? I'm gonna keep it to myself. Trust me, I'm doing us both a favor."
  
  
• "Looking good! I'm amazed at the gear you adventuring types just find lying around. I met a warrior recently who was wearing this shimmering Elven breastplate. Where'd you get it, I asked? An ogre's dung pile! Clearly, I'm in the wrong profession."
  
  
• "Mmph! Sorry, my fingers are killing me. Trying to learn how to play the lute, you see? I'm told its essentially a swoon-machine. I don't really need the help, but you can never have too many arrows in your quiver, right?"
  
  
• "Oh, don't mind me. I'm just trying to compose a love song. I'll tell you, it's really tough to make one where you can switch out the names easily. Honestly, why do High Elf names need so many syllables?"
  
  
• "People always ask me what weapon I favor. Truth is, I favor anything within arm's reach that's heavier than a pillow. I tried to fend off a rival with a pillow once. Ah, that was adorable."
  
  
• "People are always asking me why a Breton would have a name like Jakarn. So, I say, if you had a name like Englebert Lafoobum, wouldn't you change it? My name's not actually Englebert Lafoobum, but it tends to get people to back away."
  
  
• "People say a wink and a smile can disarm someone as well as any sword. Just know your audience, all right? Winking and smiling at someone you stole from can leave you with a black eye and a loose tooth. Trust me. I know."
  
  
• "A place like this really makes me think I should start saving for the future. I'm not getting any younger, you know? Of course, old age is a luxury few people in my profession ever see. Hmm, that's a good point. Time for more reckless spending!"
  
  
• "So I've got a heist in the works -- snatching jewels from some stone-hearted nobles. The usual. Anyway, I've been sniffing around for talent, and can you believe I have a reputation for getting caught? Bah! Escaping is the best part!"
  
  
• "So, what's your status these days, eh? Single? Hitched? Little of both? You know what, forget I asked. No offense, but the last thing I need is another well-armed, battle-tested ex!"
  
  
• "This is nice. I can always use a sprinkle of domesticity. If I had a little plot, I honestly don't know what I'd put in it. Boots, maybe? Yeah, like a shelf full of boots. A rogue in ill-fitted boots ... well, frankly, that's hard to look at. "
  
  
• "There's my favorite partner-in-crime! Say, I was thinking about heading back to Stros M'Kai. For old times' sake, you know? And also to pick up some things. I left my favorite belt in Bhosek's palace. But at least I remembered my pants!"
  
  
• "What a time we had on High Isle, right? And that Valessea! Now, there's a woman I could see putting a ring on! What? Marriage? Goodness, no! Not that kind of ring! A casual ring. They have those, right?"
  
  
• "You haven't seen a saucy, striped Khajiit named Bashanti-la prowling around, have you? Break-ups are hard, I get it, but there's no excuse for poisoning a guy's ale! Ugh. Oblivion hath no fury, know what I mean?"
  
  
• "You know what I hate? Buried treasure. Honesty, who buries a treasure? All the sailing, and the digging, and the backstabbing. Who has the time? Here's a life tip -- if you need an old map to remember where you hid something, pick a better spot."
  
  
• "You know, looking around here really makes me think I should get a place of my own. Something modest. Nothing fancy! Just nine rooms would do. Plus a parlor. Everyone needs a good parlor. And a wine cellar, of course. Got to have one of those."
  
  
• "You know, I stole an Argonian monolith once. True story! Took a wagon, four oxen, and enough patience to make Arkay blush. Never would have finished if not for the Argonians. They actually helped me load it! You don't think it was cursed, do you?"